What's the point of it all? What do you guys do for that real change in life?

[Newtonyork]

I read somewhere that the meaning of life is as simple as there being no actual meaning. That one simple has to live it. Just live. That being said, why am I so afraid? I finally did it, I quit my job to ostensibly deal with an 'family emergency' on the off chance that I might be able to go back to the shitty job, so there I am being afraid of even that.

I've graduated to enjoying full blown trans porn now, especially very feminine trans chicks when their touching themselves. But I'm still too afraid to make that leap beyond second base.

I'm an old man, am I gonna regret that I didn't take this step to really explore this? What if I really don't like it? I'm still trying to get myself to Bangkok by late Oct, but odds are pretty high I'll be very tempted to go to the ladyboy bars and while I'm there I might just do it.

I tell ya fellas, my life blows and it sucks at the same time. So what have I got to lose right?

Whaddya guys do for that huge change, I went thru the mid life crisis like everybody did, now I'm going thru the old man crisis. What have I got to lose isn't it? What have I got to lose?